The enemy is within – and so is Truth
Of late an almost overwhelming urge to merge with the Absolute has arisen. The urge to be in the egoless state as much as possible. The yearning for Grace already there, getting deeper.
In the higher states only, can peace be found. Higher as in – beyond ego. That which we think ourselves to be – the separate individual – is simply ego-based mind chatter and not real at all. Thinking it to be so is the very cause of our conflicts and sufferings.
It is not enough to develop psychologically. If it were, we would not be so controlled by our own wrath and avarice, we would be able to “psychologize” our way through such negativity and clear it away once and for all.
Time of Kali Yuga
This time of Kali Yuga reflects outwardly only what is going on within already: the dark night of the soul. We are in conflict with one another daily. We are chasing the butterflies of our own constantly shifting imaginations but the butterflies refuse to be caught. How can something that isn’t real be caught? It’s a losing battle. Yet all the while we look outside and blame others. And inside us the fires of our secret needs to control, judge and be liked rage on and on, and we do not see that therein lies the problem. The enemy is but within.
And so is freedom.
The truth is that all of the judgmental-ism, self-hatred, bigotry, selfishness, anxiety, fear, rage that we feel within – but try to keep hidden – is not who we are. Those things say nothing about who we are in truth. They are simply thoughts. Thoughts are not real.
We want to be happy but we don’t really want to know the real reason why we’re not. Or we believe we are happy and prefer to delude ourselves that our partner / family / house / job / body / etc makes us happy. Happiness is already available but not through looking outwards. Carl Jung said that he who looks outside, dreams, he who looks inside, awakes. We must look within for the answers.
Many people simply have no idea what looking within means. In simple terms we start with just noticing the mind chatter, that constant commentator and self-appointed judge. And then as we find ourselves back in unconsciousness, believing the mind chatter again, we just notice it again. And we keep noticing it. Commit to this act of noticing. Commit to it and recommit to it over and over. And see what happens.
The sacrifice of giving up the enjoyment we get from our judgments and power-hungryness radically transforms. Surrender all the ego’s games up to the Absolute or the Universe – if you want to know truth and bliss.
It is only a matter of how long we want to sentence ourselves for to the prison of our own mind. The twisted attraction of thoughts and assessments is so strong that we would rather experience these, however painful or damaging to ourselves / others, than to find out how it would be if we were not to accept such thoughts as real. We love the feeling and belief that we are something, a separate person. At the same time we are deeply dissatisfied if we are honest and if watch our inner experience. All we need to do is become aware of these things.
Daily life as spiritual practice
It is not easy to suddenly wake up to your thinking because that would be very unnerving (shameful even) as it’s a lifelong habit and noone ever really talks about these things in the mainstream, or in the circles most people operate in on a daily basis. So that’s where conflict and pain provide that very opportunity. In fact, you just have to notice how much of a trap your own thinking is to realize that there is a subtle but constant inner battle and dissatisfaction going on in you precisely due to this very trap. But noone ever tells you this stuff – neither at school nor at home. That’s the way of the current world. So this is why suffering (subtle or gross) plays that role – of teacher – and plays it very well, if we accept the teacher.
In this way, as we watch what is going on for us within, we can turn our daily life into a spiritual practice. Everything has a purpose in this way, and the purpose is to go within. In unconsciousness we suffer. In Awareness we don’t. When suffering arises we use it for spiritual purposes to go deeper within and shed more layers of ego. And this conscious toing and froing movement or dance is our spiritual practice, it provides the deepest purpose beyond all material or physical pleasures. If we do not exercise this purpose of becoming more and more aware, then there is no other more important purpose to life to be found.
I have been reading Nisargadatta Maharaj’s teachings in the book I Am That and I’ll end this post with just two short words that are apt and deeply profound:
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