Why Many People’s Spiritual Awakening Door Remains Closed

For most people their sense of ‘me’ (story) is very real. They believe they are a walking and breathing individual, different from the next individual, and they feel a need to maintain this image at all times. (This need is understandable – again, we’re not judging here.) There is no question in their mind that they are an individual with what they think is the ability to control, direct life, make things happen, create things. But this great fallacy is what comes tumbling down when the spiritual awakening door opens.

It’s not a door you can open through desire or will power. Some people have asked me how to spiritually awaken. But there is no ‘how to.’ There is only the clearing of the junk on the floor in front of the door that is blocking the door from opening. And even if you clear away the junk, the door still won’t open by you pulling the door handle. The reason for this is that illusion cannot lead you to reality. But one should not be so concerned about the door opening or not, only about clearing the junk. This is my view and experience.

(Looking upon my own door opening, it does seem to me, looking back, that as I cleared the junk, the door started opening simultaneously – pretty challenging. And spiritual awakening, as far as I ‘know’ from the experience of others, does seem to involve a certain amount of challenge, depending on the embededness of your story.  I guess I was full-on embedded! Hence the falling down from the pedestal of the special, separate individual is then going to be a tad more steep.)

There is only a desire for control, but no real control

Without the belief that we are powerful individuals with the ability to control life who would we be? That question is challenging. To entertain the idea that maybe one may not have the control one thinks one has, is of course a concept one may react to. The hyped up ‘The Secret’ did a great marketing job on the back of people’s need to feel in control. If you ask most people if they can create their own reality they will probably say yes. To find out about how the concept of the ‘Law Of Attraction’ actually came about click here.

Ultimately there is only a desire for control, but no real control. Ask yourself: Was there ever a time you could say ‘I am in control of life’? Has not life a way of challenging us? Whilst we may go around in our lives pretending we are in control, would we pass a lie detector test when asked ‘are you in control’?

Ultimately there is no controller. There is no identity that exists, for eg like you could say your arm exists, except in our beliefs. After all, where is this identity in any real sense, except as a mental concept? To believe in a definitive and defined identity is a figment of one’s desperate imagination. Literally.

This is where we need to discuss energy. The energy surrounding such beliefs and concepts.

What Is Energy?

Until my door started to open, I had no idea about energy. I used to hear new age folk talk about it but for the life of me, I used to wonder why I couldn’t get what they were talking about. Was it all just airy fairy nonsense? Wishful thinking? A nice idea?

Then I got thinking about thinking, and then meditating to get away from thinking (lol). As a subtle sensitivity arose, I got it. Energy is most definitely real. It is tangible in a very subtle but powerful way. Everything has an energy signature. Some people are consciously aware of this subtle aspect.

Energy is silent, and invisible. One has to be open to the subtle levels. And most importantly, through authenticity about what is one’s own energy offering (in any moment) one’s energy becomes expanded and free, rather than small, protective and contracted.

As human beings, our energy is often grasping, needy, arrogant and insecure. There is an interfering, rather than letting life flow. For example, people love the sound of their own voices, they love to talk – doesn’t matter what they say, they just have to talk lol. This is a heavy energy, because it’s pushy. And it’s also a desperate energy – there’s no relaxation, it’s stressful. The stress comes from the underlying need for the ‘individual’ to escape what is there for them in reality. And what is there is generally-speaking a quiet desperation.

Without the courage to look at the games at play with oneself and others on these subtle levels there is no possibility of real self-expression, freedom and authentic relating with others. No possibility of love, but for sure, much fear. Much dissatisfaction. Somehow life just never quite hits the spot. And what happens is further fine-tuning of image-improvement and image-protection. But this drives a wedge in relationships, it doesn’t bring people closer. Energy flow becomes more contracted and heavy. Heavy energy means stifled communication, self-compromise and self-absorption.

Once you begin to see the energy footprint one leaves behind with people one interacts with, then the junk starts getting cleared.

Are you leading a life of quiet desperation?

The American Author, Henri David Thoreau

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”


“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

So this is what spiritual awakening is about – allowing your song to be sung. The bird sings not because it sees itself as a sparrow, or seagull or kingfisher, or because it thinks it can sing it well, but simply because it has a song to sing.

In the same, we can say that the truth of life is that life is there to be lived not because there is a ‘me’ that deserves life, or expects certain things from life, or needs or wants x,y and z (all of these being related to an individual that sees itself as separate to life) but because life just is. It’s happening. And the truth is, much to the ‘individual’s chagrain – it’s happening with or without us, and will happen with or without us. It is only WE who think life owes us something or needs us. But it does not. Without us, life does not stop, but carries on just fine…

So how to get that door open?

How do you open the spiritual awakening door?

The real answer is ‘you’ cannot open it. Forget about spiritual awakening. Forget about the door. You can’t make it happen, so waste not your energy. Just do what you enjoy in life, and:

See your inauthenticity. See your silent power games. See your disdain. And be prepared for a ride like no other.

This is why spiritual awakening can be so challenging. When the embedded story (sense of a ‘me’) falls away, the illusion that the story was is seen plain and clear, as if, now, it is the most obvious thing. That, within us, that is insecure and attached to a bunch of beliefs and judgments (primarily about ourselves) comes to the fore for release. Undoing conditioning can be very painful. The story of who you think you are is like a second skin – without it you would feel very bare. Thus, some courage is required for such ‘self-unravelling.’ Further unravelling of the illusion of a separate self can also occur.


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you say I would love for more people to awaken out of their ‘story’ and you also say spiritual awakening can be so challenging. i am waking up out of my story and i find it challenging. the perfectionist is the one who has a well paid easy secure job nice wife, paid of house perfect kids been married 20 years still have no problems and they fool people into thinking they have perfect lives.

Joshua Tilghman

Nice article. I think letting go of trying to attain an awakening is the answer as well. Clearing out the junk simply lets the process unfold naturally. Living in the now and daily meditation are part of clearing out the blocks that get you from seeing the truth.
I am curious, did you change your diet before awakening? Do you believe this is a big part of the process? I have heard different theories.


Joshua, it’s funny you ask about diet, as I almost included this in the original post relating to energy. Awakening shifts began in 2007. On 9.9.2009 I woke up and stopped eating meat and fish spontaneously. In my twenties I had been veggie for 5 years, but that had been a moral stance. I was also a member of League Against Cruelty To Animals. 🙂 But since 9.9.9, I have not been able to eat meat and fish, but what is strange is that I still love the aroma of a BBQ or cooking meat, but there is no way I can eat it. It was such a clear and sudden shift that I came to ‘believe’, or rather ‘know’, that there can be great energetic shifts especially on certain dates. There is magic in numbers.
To answer your second question, Do you believe this is a big part of the process? , I would have to say there is no actual process. It seems that there is, but that is the mind that tries to cobble together happenings and makes a story out of them. And as per what I described above about being veggie, the ‘seeing the truth’ is either seen or it is not. There is no gradual step towards it. You can’t almost see it. 🙂 So the idea of a process is simply a distraction from the seeing the truth itself.
I don’t take a moral stance about diet anymore. If you want to go eat kangaroo, shark, pheasant or crocodile, well that’s up to you. But as for any energetic impact of a non-veg diet, I would say meat is a heavier vibration. It’s also harder to digest, and who knows what chemicals they put into it, whilst vegetables are much lighter, carry much more sun energy, and are easiier for the body to digest. Plus all the vitamins and minerals, etc. But as I said, I don’t advocate taking a judgmental attitude as some vegetarian evangelists do, that’s just a waste of energy 🙂
Why do you ask the question about diet? Are you a meat eater or veggie? If you wish to share of course…


I really love these particular types of posts of yours Reena. There are fascinating, meaningless, challenging, thought provoking, incomprehensible, educational, and sometimes contradictory (at least to a simple man like me). For instance….
On the one hand; “They believe they are a walking and breathing individual, different from the next individual, and they feel a need to maintain this image at all times.”
On the other hand; “There is no question in their mind that they are an individual with what they think is the ability to control, direct life, make things happen, create things.”
I believe that I am a walking breathing individual, but that is the end of the story. It’s not an image that needs to be maintained any more than a rock has to maintain it’s image. I’m not sure where I stand on the ability to control, direct life, make things happen, create things. I like to create things. It’s nice to make things happen, but I don’t like to control or direct life. Sometimes life is like walking down the high street. Usually you have a destination, maybe as banal as Tesco’s, but you don’t control the other people on the way. You just weave in and out of them. (This should be a really great simile, but I can’t seem to expand it to it’s full meaning – if it has one !).
“It is only WE who think life owes us something or needs us. But it does not. Without us, life does not stop, but carries on just fine…” This is apparently heresy ! When my doctor was trying to prescribe me all sorts of filthy pills to allegedly extend my life I caused great consternation by saying it didn’t matter if I died. At the time my only dependant was a cat, and yes I would feel guilty about not being there to care for her, but otherwise I consider my life to be of no great significance to the world. A few people would miss me for a while, and since that time at the doctors a few years back, I could add a half dozen more people to the list, but my life is not essential to theirs. Apparently this is highly selfish of me.
Where this theory falls flat on it’s face is that it is not just about physical matters. There is the spiritual side to it too. I am aware that I do occasionally amuse people, even bring them joy, and I do provide some education to some people (on technical matters – I leave the spiritual side to you Reena). Maybe I should hang around a bit longer – but not by using pills that make me feel ill ! I’ll just use my usual method – I’m too lazy and laid back to get around to dying 🙂
You do realise we have fallen into the same trap Reena ? “For example, people love the sound of their own voices, they love to talk – doesn’t matter what they say, they just have to talk lol.” or type ! I’m probably trying to justify my own ways/feelings/methods, and in writing the post you are doing the same. We are both sinners and will die in the fires of hell, or maybe laugh ourselves to somewhere else 🙂
P.S. Good to see more response to your posts lately.


Well Bill, I for one, would miss your comments if you were not here!! So stick around ok??? And let’s choose the second option – we’ll laugh ourselves to death lol.
You are in a – fortunate? – minority of people who would think their life of no significance, as you describe. I suggest fortunate, because in my book the inflated sense of self-importance most people have is quite breath-taking I find. 🙂 I can identify with that, for sure! Everything seems to be push, push, push in life thesedays. Grab it. Do it. Hurry up. And so….if you simply allow instead, slow down a bit (and act fast as required) and stop the interference, it can be very liberating. So I don’t see anything ‘wrong’ if that’s the right (haha) word with what you say about dying.
This life is the illusion part anyway. After it, is bliss. Of that I feel sure – ish! (Unless you’re unlucky enough to have another, different illusion….maybe….who knows 🙂

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