Update – The Journey Inwards, Sep 2013
It has been some while since I last blogged. And now, when I come to write, words seem un-important. But I want to give some word, some news, some ponderings, so here I am.
The journey of late has taken me from maya (work and worldly challenges) to great introspection, rather like the time when the maya (illusion) of roles became obvious to me before and were acutely felt some years ago. The desire to deeply know Truth has erupted like a volcano, again. The turn inwards has been the one satisfying thing. The thirst for That, knows no end. And I have seen, again, that there is nothing in this world that can satisfy nor sustain any satisfaction. Only the discovery of the Changeless Essence we are, can do that. And this is an inner journey, not outer. All identifications and attachments to outer forms (people, possessions, ideas, goals, accolades) will in the end crumble at our own feet of dissatisfaction. It does not matter how much, how many, how far, how right or how intelligent…..all of these will ultimately dissatisfy.
The only thing to do is to abide in Awareness / the state of the Absolute
To cite more details, I found myself greatly challenged by what is needed in this life of society – to make money, to have these sorts of wordly affairs in order, the area of work and so on. It was a needed stage. I had found that after the initial ‘total glimpse’ of Truth that occurred previously, I had clung on to that, but it was becoming a story – ego. I found myself in intellectual debate about which teachers were ok, and which were not, what spiritual awakening was and what it was not. In this debate – an intellectual analysis – Truth had become obscured. Yet that which had been shown to me in its full glory previously never went away completely, but its light became more and more diminished by the mind’s activity.
The space beyond pleasure and pain is where you will find happiness
So the only thing to do is to abide in Awareness / the state of the Absolute. This is always there. But suffering makes us think otherwise. The one usefulness of suffering is that it can force us to go within. That is, of course, when we have the courage and desire to admit we have had enough of suffering. This point is reached when we discover that that which we called happiness in our mind’s understanding is in fact suffering. The pleasure we sought is in fact pain. Nisargadatta Maharaj, the Indian self-realized teacher, said: “Pleasure puts you to sleep and pain wakes you up. If you don’t want to suffer, don’t go to sleep.”
What this realized teacher points to is the space beyond both pleasure and pain. This space is one of surrender. A space beyond arrogance, beyond desire for control, and beyond the doer. This is the place where as Nisargadatta Maharaj said, “the intellect gets annihilated.” (And interestingly, Nisargadatta Maharaj was one who was almost illiterate, he was an animated street-wise ‘beedie’ seller (hand-made cigarettes) in Mumbai, yet he became self-realized and people came to see him from all over the world to sit in his small room above his modest home. He was not educated yet the words of wisdom he expressed are for sure beyond any worldly intellect which he was not educated for anyway. Here you can watch a video about this being who fills my heart with such love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G7d526eB5A).
NISARGADATTA , I AM ONLY THE SELF PART 1
You are Emptiness and it is Alive
I was trying to be the doer. Trying to fix things. When we try to do that there is but one outcome: suffering. Even as our goals are fulfilled one by one, there is always another set of them. The mind never ceases to give dis-rest. And the only time when we can be truly be happy is when we are at rest from the demands and noisy activity of the mind – ie beyond thought. Abiding in the silence between the noise is the way. It is the silence that makes music possible. It is the emptiness of the glass that makes it useful. It is Emptiness that you are. And it is full and alive. Full of peace and serenity. Full of energy. Full of natural joy. Full of natural intelligence. Full of wisdom. And all of these wonderful things do not come from your education or the knowledge you have amassed, they come from within you because they are already there.
Only the permanent can give rest
This blog post is for those who are interested in these things, the things of Truth. It is not for those who are so embedded in their maya that they cannot see the wood for the trees. Maya is very clever – don’t be fooled, even by the greatest riches, beauty or power. After you have found the wealth and popularity and had all the ego-trips you could ever want, you will still not be satisfied. If you say to yourself that you are satisfied, it will be the mind trying to trick you in to continuing on the hamster’s wheel of desire-fulfillment. There is no permanent satisfaction in the impermanent. Only the permanent can give rest. The permanent is what gives rise to the temporary – the latter includes all the worldly things we are striving for, as if our lives depended on it. And feeling that our lives depend on such worldly affairs couldn’t be further from the truth. But conditioning is such, that it makes us feel this way.
Your longing for Truth makes the difference
Whilst previously I may have said that there is nothing you can do to awaken, I still stick to that in that there is the hand of Grace – or Divine Consciousness, God or whatever word you want to use for That which cannot be described – that has to enter the equation, or better said, becomes apparent. But – there is something that you can do, and I speak directly from experience. The first time I saw (or was shown in fact) that what we all are is this vast spacious Awareness, it was in answer to a heartfelt request or prayer. Other times when a deepening of Awareness occurred it was again in answer to a sincere desire for Truth. And this time, recently, it has again been the same. What is required is your sincere desire to know what Truth is, to know who you are, to know what is permanent in an impermanent world. Your desire to know who you are. Your longing for Truth. This is the key. Ego-less desire however. Not seeking intellectually, or desiring something of the world, but a sincere desire to know – quite simply – truth.
Then relax. Allow. Surrender. And see what happens.
So that’s it for now. I cannot say when I will blog next, but it feels like fewer words come up thesedays to be written. But my heart is your heart, we are the same, and friends in the ocean of the Divine.
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